Memories, Visions and Light
by scully-hearts-roslin
Summary: Laura gasps as images flicker before her eyes. A dream, a vision – it is hard to separate past from epiphany... Another Roslin/Adar story written in season 4. Other characters included also, but AU.


**Disclaimer:** Laura is not mine but Mary's – I just love to entertain her. **Pairing:** Roslin/Adar, **Rating:** PG whatever (sorry, no smut), **Spoilers:** mini – season 4.0 **Summary:** Had a dream, read a fic, got inspired, used BSG as we know it and changed two minor details. Hope you'll enjoy. Cottle appears and other characters are mentioned.

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**Memories, Visions and Light**

_Laura gasps as images flicker before her eyes. A dream, a vision – it is hard to separate past from epiphany. Another gasp and light, blinding her eyes before she hears the sound of her own voice, familiar and yet strange. _

"_Obviously only if you approve, Mr. President." _

_Caprica. A smile on her lips at the sight of his eyes. Flickering lights and her doctor's office. Laura feels small. She remembers the day. She is cold. _

"_I'm afraid the tests are positive..."_

_It's like a kick in the stomach to hear the news. More light, then Stance and the strike. The teacher's union, memories of a past career, children laughing, problems different – she misses the times. Easy they were or seem to have been in the here and now. _

_More light and she's back in his office. Richard, President now, not only running candidate for mayor. He was convincing then, he is persuasive now – her mind is busy elsewhere though and her influence too big on him to go unnoticed. _

"_I know, you've been thinking this is a mistake for a while now," his words have an effect on her. His arms hold her close before his lips touch hers for a kiss so deep she has to withdraw from it before he takes control of her like he always does. _

"_I just couldn't say no to him." Her own words echo in her head. _

_Richard is mad with her as both, the man and the President, when she tells him about her deal with Stance. So angry he asks her to resign. Another kick in the stomach, memories so painful Laura tosses and turns in her bed. _

"_You're asking me to resign?" His words still have her shell-shocked. _

"_I don't have any choice. This isn't about you and me anymore."_

"_You're right, it's not." There is more truth in his words than he could possibly know._

_Another flash of light and Billy is sitting next to her on Colonial One until she runs off to the bathroom. Galactica then, another bathroom run and her vows. Laura tries to shake them off, the words she remembers, but they intersect with images of her shaking to the words Elosha asked her to repeat, cameras on her while she was coping with paralyzing fear and grief. _

"_I was there with him on his first campaign." _

"_I, Laura Roslin,..."_

"_I never really liked politics." _

"_...do now vow and affirm..."_

"_I kept telling myself I was getting out but he had this way about him." _

"_...that I accept the office of the President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol..."_

"_Just couldn't say no to him."_

_More light and there it is, her confession to her aide, Billy. He is not shocked, read the signs, saw little hints here and there. Laura is surprised but grateful for his discretion. Another moment, appearing before her eyes as if fast forwarded on a computer screen. A little girl, Cami, from a ship she left behind and then her words – spoken to the Commander in a moment of truth._

"_Now, if we are even going to survive as a species, then we need to get the hell out of here and we need to start having babies."_

_More of him, Bill, in his quarters after the lights continue to break up her story. His lie about Earth, his openness to her about it, his trust. Her secret, still in the room without him knowing. _

_More lights and Cottle's confirmation of her condition. "There will come a day when you cannot hide what you're going through." Laura blinks before she sees snakes on her hands again, hears Elosha's voice in the distance, telling her about the book of Pythia. Laura blinks again and finds herself protected by her guards to avoid a coup. The brig is what follows and Kobol. She remembers the exhaustion from the hikes, cries a tear in her sleep when Elosha lies next to her on the ground, dead, blood all over her. And her words keep ringing in Laura's head. "... an expectant leader will guide them to Earth."_

Laura jumps up and it takes a while to shake off the pictures and the memories. Billy is by her side, the look on his face concerned.

"Are you okay?"

Laura nods. It takes her a while to realize where she is, the sound of monitors and heart beats rushes to her head and almost overwhelms her.

"Do you want me to get..."

"No." She shakes her head. "I'm fine."

It only takes five minutes and the Commander enters sickbay to check on her. He had taken care of her so thoroughly before Pegasus had arrived – he is busy following orders now. Laura feels sorry for his degradation and although he carries on, Bill sometimes looks so small to her now. He came to visit an old friend, that's what she hears him say to her when the pain hits her. She barely notices how Cottle sends him away.

When Lee Adama comes to speak to her, Laura feels drawn to him again like she does to Billy. Her surrogate sons, she likes that thought.

Kara Thrace finds her way to sickbay too, an agenda on her mind rather than good wishes. Hit by a wave of nausea and pain, Laura mutters an "I know what it means to leave someone behind you care about deeply." Starbuck's stare couldn't be any less understanding.

When Cottle reaches her med bed, he ignores any protest and puts her on drugs – the look on his face matches Billy's concern from earlier that day.

Laura, dozing off to be haunted by more pictures, never fully relaxes even though the pain wears down.

_Memories of political decisions are rushing through her head. The Olympic Carrier, the pregnant Cylon, Tom Zarek, Gaius Baltar – Laura moans while she's trying to get rid of the pictures in her head. _

_Lights again and Pegasus. Admiral Cain, shaking her hand on Galactica's hanger bay, her eyes focused on her belly. A remark and a conversation with Billy flashing before her eyes. "The good thing about being President is that you don't have to explain yourself, to anyone." A look then, a nod, and the person who had once said those words to her in the past. Richard. Disbelief, sorrow, an unfamiliar feeling of pain, happiness, skepticism – the emotional roller coaster feels as real in her dreams as in reality. _

_Her eyes fixed on him she waits till he walks up to her, he seems to move in slow motion until he finally spots her. He looks into her eyes, his face controlled yet shocked and Laura wishes she could break the news to him in private. A small smile on his face when he finally shakes her hand, a kiss when they are finally alone, and another one before an endless embrace. Laura cries, in her memory and in her sleep, she knows his return means relief and complications. _

It is Richard who startles her out of her dreams – his thumb is gentle when it wipes away her tears but her sleep is light these days.

"Is everything okay?" He places a soft kiss onto her lips.

"I..., sure. Yes. I'm fine." Her smile faints when she remembers the pain.

"Doc said the baby is taking its time."

Laura nods. "Stubborn and independent, like his dad."

"Or strong-willed like his mom." He smiles. "Billy said you were having dreams again."

Another nod.

"Bad ones?" He caresses her cheeks again. "There were tears."

"Only memories." Laura tries to avoid the topic.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

"It's nothing, really. You are here now, that's all that counts."

Not fully sure of how to understand her remark, Richard just tries to read her face for a while.

Her face is tired now, full of lines and dark shadows under her eyes. She's still beautiful to him. He remembers seeing her in a crowd of children some 15 odd years ago, so tender, so wrapped up in her work, committed and full of joy. He remembers her in his cabinet and then his bed, remembers worrying about her at some point, remembers his words. "This isn't the end of the world. You can stay on in an advisory capacity, Gods know we need your ideas." How he regretted them only hours later.

Haunting pictures of the attacks cloud his mind for a moment, the pain of hearing that Colonial One was destroyed – he had never been ashamed of crying in solitude but he never expected to break down in front of his staff. His family dead, the Colonies destroyed, Laura gone – his emotional limit was reached as soon as he realized what his last words had been to her.

Numb for most of his run for life through numerous attacks and military leadership on Pegasus, Richard believed to see a ghost when Laura's face emerged from behind the Admiral and Commander on Galactica.

The memory of that moment makes Richard smile. It is a melancholy smile that stirs up happiness and pain. Her face, so incredulous at the sight of him, her eyes beaming with joy after the shock wore down and her hand, shaking, when he took it in his to say hello.

"Richard." His name fell from her lips in a mixture of relief and shock.

"Laura, thank the Gods." He swallowed a tear.

Wrapped in a world of their own, Laura smiled when he started to caress her hand. An old habit, a pleasant reminder of good times. Brushing against her belly, Richard averted his eyes from hers for a moment and took a second to breathe.

"I see things have changed." He looked back at her again, a hint of sadness in his voice when he started to drop his hand from hers.

Laura, fast enough to grab his hand before it was too late, gave his hand a gentle squeeze and nodded. Leaning in to place a soft kiss onto his right cheek, she whispered softly into his ear. "I didn't get to tell you before I left."

Slowly processing her words, Richard answered as neutrally as possible. "There certainly are a lot of things we need to discuss."

Richard closes his eyes and smiles when he remembers her hands in his in a conference room. It felt so strange to embrace her, her belly so big and in the way.

"Who knows?"

Laura looked at her belly and then at Richard before she realized what he meant. "Only Billy. Doctor Cottle has a hunch though."

"You didn't tell anybody?" Richard was surprised.

"I hid the pregnancy as long as I could. And I didn't feel the urge to display the identity of the father to the public since."

"So there's no press to dig deep?"

"We have a press corp alright, but they didn't figure it out so far. I'm not sure after today though." Her remark was less playful than he remembered her to be.

"Are you considering to break the news now?" Richard asked calmly.

"Not if you don't want me to." Her voice sounded controlled.

He paused. "You and me?"

Laura nodded. "It was a shock for me, too."

"When?" Richard placed his hand on her abdomen.

"I found out right before I left. I didn't know how to tell you, how you would react, and then..."

"And then I asked you to resign." He closed his eyes for a beat and smiled sadly to himself. "I'm sorry Laura. I've regretted what I said every day since the attacks but never more than now. I, … I messed up."

"You did. You were right about one thing though, this isn't about you and me anymore." She welcomed his renewed embrace.

"You remember my exact words?"

"The things I remember, you know?" She smirked. "I also know that you were hurt. And you say stupid things when you're hurt."

"So what do we do now?" Richard asked her to sit next to him.

"Well, you're the President, I only stepped up after, you know. 43rd in line of succession."

"2nd in line of succession now but that's not what I'm talking about."

"You want to go public?" Laura asked carefully. "There are elections coming up, this might cost us both."

"We'll figure something out but this is more important than an election."

"So you say now. Wait till you see your possible adversary." She stated matter-of-fact.

"Who's left to run?"

"Tom Zarek."

"You got to be kidding me." Richard shook his head.

"Do you see the urgency of this decision now? The relevance?"

"Clearly." He paused "Do you have military support?"

Laura nodded. "Was quite a journey but it's established now."

"I was President in name only in the past months. Admiral Cain made me declare martial law."

"Made you?" Laura caught the seriousness of his voice.

"Things happened on that ship that... It's a long and ugly story. Let's just say I wouldn't underestimate the Admiral."

"What are you saying?" Laura stared at him.

"They kept a lot from me but the things I know are enough to be cautious. If you have military support, use it to protect the fleet, Laura. Sometimes, the enemy comes from within."

"You are scaring me, Richard."

"I really don't want to, but I think it's for the best if I'm not acting President."

"You want to step down?"

"You have my full support, Laura. Make me your advisor if you want but I won't be running against you or in your place."

"You are serious, aren't you?"

"Yes. I am. And I want to be a father to our child."

Shaking his head, Richard tries to get rid of his memories to focus on Laura again.

"I am here indeed," Richard finally answers Laura's remark. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"You better don't," Cottle interrupts him. "I won't hold her hand once the contractions start." Checking the monitor, Cottle has written concern all over his face.

"What's wrong?" Richard is alert within seconds.

"I'm not sure, but I'd like to get your baby now. Laura, I know you wanted to be all natural about this, mother-child bonding process and all that modern crap, but I don't like the heartbeat of your little President here. I rather have you and little Laura survive, do you understand?"

Shooting her an examining look, his reaction is prompt as soon as Richard starts yelling at her. "Laura, Laura! Doc, her hand, she..." Seeing the color vanishing from her face and her arms falling to her side, Cottle barks orders around sickbay to alert his team. It is seconds later that Richard is pushed aside and banned from the emergency area. A nurse walks up to him to guide him away from he monitors that seem to beep faster by the minute.

"What's wrong, tell me, please! What's wrong with her?" It takes two guards to keep him from running toward the improvised OR and he only calms down when he sits, Billy by his side. A tear running down his face in shock, Richard welcomes Billy's quiet company. When Bill Adama rushes towards him, he finds his voice lost to update him.

"She's in surgery," Billy tries to explain carefully. "The baby's heartbeat dropped."

Bill nods and quietly asks the presidential aide to give him some time with Adar. Sitting next to him, he allows the information to sink in before he speaks.

"She's going to be fine. She's a fighter."

Richard tries to nod.

"She's overcome so many things. She was 6 or 7 months pregnant when she climbed hills on Kobol. She'll really be fine."

"I cannot lose her again." Richard's voice is calm but small.

"Cottle won't let her die." It is a reply to Richard as much as to himself.

The two men sit in silence until Billy returns and Cottle approaches them to break their agony.

"She's going to be alright. She'll have a scar and hate me for it but she'll live."

"I need to see her." Richard is ready to rush past the doctor but is stopped by the freshly promoted Admiral.

"She's still drugged. It will be a while till she wakes up." Shooting Adama a look, he asks Richard to sit with him on a nearby gurney. "There's something you have to know."

Richard stares at him, his head spinning.

"Your child," Cottle tries to find the right words, "she… ."

The blood drops from Richard's face and he feels numb as soon as the doctor's words hit him.

"Her heart wouldn't beat on its own. We had to put her in an incubator."

Richard's voice is shaky. "Will she be okay?"

"Doctor Baltar has a theory he would like to share with you." Cottle answers carefully. "He ran some tests on the hybrid embryo and found a DNA pattern he believes might be useful."

"I don't understand." Richard glares at him.

"He thinks that an injection of hybrid DNA might heal your daughter's heart. The patterns match."

"You want to cure her with Cylon blood?" Richard cannot hide his skepticism.

"Yes." Cottle holds his stare.

"I cannot make that decision without Laura."

"You will have to. Your daughter's life expectancy is short. I'm not sure if Laura will wake to see her."

"She might not be able to say goodbye to her?" Richard closes his eyes. "She cannot not hold her. She has to see her, she's been through so much." He holds his breath to stop the pain from overwhelming him. "Do it. Do whatever it takes." His decision escapes his mouth in a whisper.

"It's hybrid blood." Cottle makes sure Adar understands.

"I know. But I rather have her hate me for letting our daughter live than letting her die."

Nodding to him, Cottle gets up and indicates the former President to follow him. Propped up on a bed, Laura seems to sleep peacefully next to an incubator.

"You can sit with her and wait till she wakes up. I know you won't stop bugging me about her condition anyway."

Waving in Gaius Baltar, Cottle asks Adar to stay by Laura's side to not interfere with any necessary procedures. Monitors beeping loudly, Richard panics when he hears his daughter's heartbeat speeding up just to flat line seconds later. He closes his eyes and stops fighting the tears when a rhythmical sound tickles an "You gotta be damned," from Cottle's tongue.

"It's beating." Baltar is the first one to be excited.

"You son of a gun," Cottle is clearly relieved.

Kissing her hand, Richard gets up from Laura's side and walks up to his daughter. "Can I see her?"

Auburn curls, face red, she looks at him between stubborn cries.

"What's her name?" Cottle asks.

"Cami," Richard answers calmly. "Her name is Cami."

_Laura is blinded by the light that illuminates the room. It takes her a minute to adjust. She wears an evening gown, it seems familiar but the place is unkown. Laura turns. An opera house – she is not alone. A girl runs past her and the sound of a mother's voice follows right behind. "Hera!" _

_Laura turns again and sees Baltar with a woman. She is tall, she is blond – she looks familiar. A child laughs and Laura moves her head to follow the sound. A stage, Hera in the middle of it, her mother shielding her eyes from the lights that emanates from all around them. Five people in disguise, dressed like ancient priests, surround them. One holds out a hand to Hera – the girl isn't scared. When she grabs the unknown hand, her face changes and her hair is auburn instead of black. _

Laura doesn't scream when she jumps up – she is used to the images now. Cami occupies her dreams, a fear of losing her to Cylon blood. She is grateful that Richard doesn't appear in her visions anymore – he always died when he did. Laura is convinced now that she sees the Final Five – the Cylon prisoner had told her about them. She got used to sharing visions with her and Sharon at some point after lost elections, New Caprica and Baltar's return. She prefers the visions over memories. Memories of detention, of assassinations and arrests. Colonel Tigh lost his eye and then his wife on that snake pit of a planet. People blew themselves up and the Cylons made her choose between Cami and Richard because they knew she'd die for both of them. The pictures of his arrest haunted her for months.

It is 3 am when Laura checks on her daughter. She is sound asleep with half of a teddy bear wrapped all the way around her. Laura smiles – she still enjoys to sleep like that at night. Going back to bed, she lies awake for too long, pictures of Baltar's trial forcing themselves on her mind. Richard wakes enough to wrap her in his arms when she seeks his embrace just to doze off again to the familiar feeling of her mane against his skin. He smiles – smiles like on the day they met, a smile so natural like when they first made love. A smile so familiar like on the day he returned to her, a smile he rediscovered when she got the news from Cottle only weeks ago. The news explain her dreams – she is pregnant with their second child but after all she's been through, Laura hesitates to be happy. It is Richard who draws energy from her pregnancy. New Caprica was hard on him and there was a silence between them that almost suffocated her love for him when he chose Tigh's company over hers and started a fight with Bill. He shut down his emotions, tried to cope with the pictures and the pain. When Laura finally cornered him to talk to her, it poured out of him, all the rage and the tears and the numbness. He cried in her lap, clang to her as if she would disappear if he lost her touch and kissed her breath away when his tears had dried. It was good to make love to him again, to feel his need of her, to hear him hum her name. It was good to draw him close again.

_Laura hugs her when she sees her in the corridors of Galactica. Elosha – it feels so good to hear her voice. Another jump, another attempt to speak to the hybrid, Elosha again. Laura is confused about the setting but she enjoys the company. It is strange to listen to what she has to say but she understands. Family. Home. She has that and so much more._

As she watches Cami play with Hera, Laura sits by her tent, her belly clearly giving away her pregnancy now. It was a shock to find Earth destroyed when they finally found it. It is a deeper one to realize who she is. All the revelations – that of Tigh, Tory, Chief and Anders. Laura sees them working nearby with Sharon as the sun wraps them all in a bright light. The sight takes her back to her dreams, reveals again the connection she has with those four. The connection that runs through Hera and her child, her children she thinks, feeling a strong kick. Laura gasps at the feel of the tiny foot, closing her eyes as the sun shines down on her. In her head echoes the music as she welcomes the light. An expectant leader will guide them to Earth. Elosha's words ring in her head when Six walks past her and smiles.

**Fin**


End file.
